Dateline: Psychic High School
Psychic High School is exceptionally pleased to announce our new arrangement with MEMLEN ELVEN COLA®.
Through an exclusive non-non-exclusive arrangement with Memlen Elven Cola® (a Tri-Cities Corporation), Psychic High School is now offering Memlen Elven Cola® (exclusively) on campus as the "go-to" drink for all our students on the go!
During the "quote" "unquote" "Resistance Faire" perpetrated held this weekend by some of our most traitorous finest students, the psychic janitorial staff (under my personal supervision) was able to remove our current Kale Chip snack dispensers and Kombucha vending machines and god knows what and replace them all with handsome Memlen Elven Cola® soda pop machines. Now Memlen Elven Cola® is THE drink for Psyhigh!
I'm sure you're all aware of the problem of Psychic Obesity. There has been an upward trend for countless generations toward a morbidity in the psychic svelteness of our student body. As Dean, I want to do all I can to increase the firmness in the swelling bosoms of the minds of our students, with an eye toward the future.
Through corporate sponsors like MEMLEN ELVEN COLA®, Psychic High School is able to offer an antidote to this scourge, and at no additional cost to Psychic High School whatsoever! Any residual transactions between our two entities will be handled discretely through my personal off-shore §hadeCoin shell trading companies.
To celebrate this historic moment in Psyhigh history, celebrity spokesperson Steve Burns (@SteveBurnsAlive) will be appearing at noon in the Student Union to join us all in a toast to those wonderful, wonderful Elves who produce this amazing elixir.
Join me, won't you?
Dean Hammer, Dean, Psychic High School